at Kuantan for Ching Ming 清明节

Currently at home, Kuantan.

Missed the slow pace and relaxing life here... Distance between two places being not more than 5-10 minutes apart. Cheap and good food, and less crowded anywhere you go to... miss the opportunity of visiting the beach (Teluk Chempedak) as I assisted my mum settling her bills and chores this time.

Visited my dad's mortuary, did the Ching Ming 清明节 of prayers for him. Went with mum and 3rd sis and spent the morning there today. Although I'm a Catholic, yet it is okay to perform the rite if needed to (have consulted the priest on this). Hold the joss sticks, burn hell money etc... 2nd sis was not around as she has given birth to a daughter and is under maternity leave.

We do this every year since my grandparents time, but it's only the 5th year for honoring dad.

Dad passed away at age 54, and I still remembered I was completing final year at college at 2004 that time. The experience was a great change to our family, affected mum, all my sisters and me. It shook us as we didn't expect him to leave us so soon. He has did his fill of mistakes, but yet we still appreciate him for taking care and bringing us up.

Mum then had to take the position of dad and assist us to continue on our lives. Yet without dad's presence it's a big difference to us. Thus I have told others to love and appreciate their loved ones when they are still around (no matter how bad they are), rather than wait till the moment that they leave us, then it's too late.

Going back to KL tomorrow...

Thoughts - how it affect us?

have you ever thought, what is the right manner of speaking your thoughts?

is there a right or wrong? Or very precise yes, no, um-ahh?

Answer is, we have guidelines in our lives, just that with different backgrounds that we went through we became who we are. Or sometimes, we just choose to be like that, because we chose to... such explains why they are so many gangsters, robbers, killers, prostitutes etc.. becoz they have chosen such a path, no one was able to stop them, or it could be that we tried but failed to bring them to the light.

Thoughts, once provoke, will slowly shape itself into 2 things, words and actions. It is said that thoughts is the foundation to all things that we do... and thus it is important to take care of that part in our lives, as bad thoughts = bad words and actions. Negative thoughts, silly thoughts, nonsense thoughts, lustful thoughts, ignorant thoughts, etc will each shape itself to become a reality somehow or rather. It will be apparent on what others see in us, or simply when our actions prove what it is we're actually thinking inside.

2 parts taken from the bible:

Colossians 3:1-2

1

¹ If then you were raised with Christ, seek what is above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.

2

Think of what is above, not of what is on earth.

Romans 12:1-3

1

^{1 2} I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.

2

Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.

3

For by the grace given to me I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than one ought to think, but to think soberly, each according to the measure of faith that God has apportioned

For even the bible states what we ought to be thinking as it will ultimately affect us as a whole in the end. Fix your thoughts right, then everything will move its place as it should.

A quote:

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

Norman Vincent Peale
US clergyman (1898 - 1993)

The book "Secret" also teaches bout how powerful the human thought process is till it can make the seemingly impossible thing happen, to actually happen.... by first having a thought, repeating it all the time in your head and working on it, till it happens one day as how you see it...

I highly recommend the book/movie if you are able to get it:

http://www.thesecret.tv/

Thus, ask yourself as to why an interviewer would want certain candidates, yet reject some although they have exceptional skills? Is because of who they chose to be, their character-wise and personality will just make things difficult... That is why tough questions are thrown during an interview to see who you really are inside. For for a company, skills can be trained, but human character is hard to mold and change. But truly, if you have the belief that you can, you can be an entirely different person in due time. It could take a long time to change, but it's worth it, if you are able to improve yourself for the better.

People around you who'd want to see you be a better person, would definitely advice you on areas you can work on. Trust your own judgement on where you can improve on based on their feedback, and keep moving forward till you improve. There is no looking back... for life is only so short, not to be wasted in the past.

:)

countdown to receiving new monitor - 9 days

placed the order, paid, and now all I can do is wait...

expected time to reach home: 9 days, 31st March 2010.

*wishing it can be earlier... once get will take lots of pics of the whole rig and let u peeps see see*

*planning to fix neon lights inside, imma afraid it would be a little too dull without lights @@*

~patience mode on... + extra patience ~

http://www1.ap.dell.com/my/en/home/monitors/monitor-dell-st2410wfp/pd.aspx?refid=monitor-dell-st2410wfp&s=dhs&cs=mydhs1

Drink till KO-ed

Organized an event for my team's team building for the quarter... It was at Redbox IOI Mall. The place was cool, new location barely a year, buffet was the best among all Redbox I've been so far, nice staff service.

Had lots of singing and got tapao-ed once again for drinking over my limit. Let me count what I had: few cups of whisky+coke, tequila shots, beer @@

Haih dunno why I can so easily KO-ed in any drinking sessions... I actually vomited 5 times during this one. Last one I went through this was last year during a supervisor's exit from my previous company, it was during a farewell at a club. Haha... my ex colleagues all know my limit after some time and even take the cups off me when they see my condition reaching my limit.

Went and did some search and found this @@

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_flush_reaction

Got so serious?? well anyway I rarely drink...even if I do I have to control myself. Yet, I can't imagine a life without any alcohol :S That would be weird.

Signs when I should stop drinking:

-start to feel my inside getting filled up.. like lots of gas after drinking alot of Soda.

-face getting too red for too long (yes I will be so red till nicknamed as "Tomatoman" lol... followed my mum's genes I guess, all my 3 sisters, mum and me have that symptom, we get real red even after a bit of alcohol.)

-lacking focus

-getting uncomfortable

-final warning sign is when I feel like wanna puke.. I should really stop after that.

The singing part for yest event was good tho... haha first time I sang till I did not wanna sing anymore... got tired!! due to the fact that the whole thing was from 6pm till 3am?! LOL...

Kudos to everyone for making it happen yesterday! Cheers~~

sad, tired, and depressed.

It's not easy to confess these feelings... but deep inside I know I can feel them.

It's not due to my current job or anything. I admit it's better than my previous, and yes like any other jobs, things always have its own pros and cons. Another thing is, when you're new, there's always a learning curve. Learning everything from scratch again. Thus explains why people hate changing jobs, it just sucks especially when they are almost similar.

Other recent happenings have made me feel that way, somewhere deep inside of me, I know I can't ignore it.

But I have to live on each day, and not give up the walk of life.

As in scripture Philippians 3:12-14 (taken from: http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0839/__P10H.HTM)

12

⁸ It is not that I have already taken hold of it or have already attained perfect maturity, ⁹ but I continue my pursuit in hope that I may possess it, since I have indeed been taken possession of by Christ (Jesus).

13

Brothers, I for my part do not consider myself to have taken possession. Just one thing: forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead,

14

I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God's upward calling, in Christ Jesus.

Yes, press on and do not give up. We're all sure there are better things ahead, is just the pressure, the sadness, and the bad experiences of life holding us back.

I have to keep running the good race till I've attain my goal, the race till the end.

Adam Lambert - Whatdaya want from me

Whatdaya want from me
by Adam Lambert

Hey,
Slow it down.
Whataya want from me,
Whataya want from me?
Yeah,
Im afraid.
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me?
There might have been a time when I would give myself away
Oh, once upon a time I didnt give a damn
But now,
Here we are
So, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just dont give up
Im working it out
Please dont give in
I wont let you down
It messed me up
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, its plain to see
That baby youre beautiful
And theres nothing wrong with you
Its me
Im a freak
But thanks for loving me
Cause youre doing it perfectly
Yeah there might have been a time when I would let you slip away
I wouldnt even try but I think you could save my life

Just dont give up
Im working it out
Please dont give in
I wont let you down
It messed me up
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

(Just dont give up on me)
(I wont let you down)
No, I wont let you down
So, just dont give up
Im working it out
Please dont give in
I wont let you down
It messed me up
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, Whataya want from me
Just dont give up
Im working it out
Please dont give in
I wont let you down
It messed me up
Need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

=========================

How I'm feeling recently... time to let go...even if it means friendship.

Why wanna worry so much? =)

Have you ever wonder why we worry? why we keep thinking stuffs over and over again... why can't we just let things be at times?

Recently a friend of mine is going through that... I tried all my effort and strength to help her but it seems not to be working... I wonder what else can I do? Answer: nothing, I can only continue to console her till she wakes up and be strong. (prayer also needs the receiver to help themselves, if not God won't help them).

Worries, is something that we put the burden on ourselves. Let's say we worry how are the results gonna be? how is that car loan gonna get settled? Am I gonna get that increment or not? Is the job I really wanting coming my way?

Ans for 1: you've already sat for the exam, it is too late now but to await the results.

Ans for 2: It's all about the management babeh... no $$ management then sorry, u need to ask help from someone. Live according to how you earn.

Ans for 3: Work smart and hard and proof yourself, nothing else to say =D (if company sucks here, move on)

Ans for 4: Sometimes the job you want, is really like destiny. As long you try your best applying for the jobs you are keen on, the rest is really up to God to decide what's best for you =) That's how my eldest sis advice me before: "if it's really yours, it will be yours." (applies to your life partner and such things as a job)

See.. all the above don't need to worry. But people still insist want to worry, want to think? Why wanna make things so complicated? why wanna burden those who care and love for you? Just because you worry for things that are actually simple, and coz you don't know the outcome of it?

Taken from the Bible, Matthew 6:24-34, as below:

24 'No one can be the slave of two masters: he will either hate the first and love the second, or be attached to the first and despise the second. You cannot be the slave both of God and of money.

25 'That is why I am telling you not to worry about your life and what you are to eat, nor about your body and what you are to wear. Surely life is more than food, and the body more than clothing!

26 Look at the birds in the sky. They do not sow or reap or gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they are?

27 Can any of you, however much you worry, add one single cubit to your span of life?

28 And why worry about clothing? Think of the flowers growing in the fields; they never have to work or spin;

29 yet I assure you that not even Solomon in all his royal robes was clothed like one of these.

30 Now if that is how God clothes the wild flowers growing in the field which are there today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, will he not much more look after you, you who have so little faith?

31 So do not worry; do not say, "What are we to eat? What are we to drink? What are we to wear?"

32 It is the gentiles who set their hearts on all these things. Your heavenly Father knows you need them all.

33 Set your hearts on his kingdom first, and on God's saving justice, and all these other things will be given you as well.

34 So do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'

(taken from: http://www.catholic.org/bible/book.php?id=47&bible_chapter=6)

The above has a significant meaning in my life, as there was once in my down time in life, I have worried a lot, till it affected my health. That was before I converted to Christianity. And yes I was stunned when I first read and meditate on it, as it is very significant and important in our lives: Jesus' commandment for us not to worry. As I'm sure the Son of God knows better about heaven, earth and life then anyone else if he has been with the Father since the beginning of creation.

So don't worry, chill, relax and live the one and only life you are having now. Make the best use of it, for God, and for the better of others and yourself too ;)

going out @ the weekends - 2 movies!!

suddenly woke up.. decided to update my blog a bit.

was busy for the past 2 days spending time with roy... my ex roomate in college last time :) We had crazy memories together while at college and we used to go movies, eat lunch, shop at the malls with other roomates as well, and pitting each other while watching the football leagues (I was with Chealsea while he's a supporter of Arsenal). Was closely knitted till Roy went back to Malacca to work. Haha after the 2 days of traffic jam here and there sitting in my car... he is thinking twice about really migrating here to work XD will leave that up to him as there are pros and cons.... since he said working at Malacca is getting boring.... and he needs some life. LOL. He'll get lots of it if he really make up his mind migrating here =P and lots of TRAFFIC JAM too XD

went to malls, watch movies, chat at starbucks, update each other, gossips wahahaha...

met his fren Rachel on Sunday.. she had a cool tan o.O nice fren of Roy's. We watched a total of two movies altogether in 2 days time, Solomon Kane and Invictus.

My advice, avoid Solomon Kane if you are not a fan of Van-Helsing-like movies, as it is one of them focusing on the hero alot. Can get pretty boring fast... but he was a good actor and the story is so-so... above the usual B grade movie.

As for Invictus, it is a must watch. Very inspiring movie about the politician Nelson Mendela. Ex president for South Africa, it shows how he fought apartheid, racism, bringing up the nation, and uniting all of them via 1 game... Rugby. Matt Damon was a star in this movie too bringing it up with his superb act as the national Rugby team's captain. Clint Eastwood is the director here and I heard he's been making good movies... so far this is my first watching his directed film o.O It is based on a true story on events of 1995 when South Africa won the Rugby world cup against all odds including beating the top team All Blacks of New Zealand.

One trustable site that made me decide to go ahead with this movie:

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/invictus/

(it had a high score of fresh 77%, which is usually true)

At first I didn't want to watch it at all seeing that it had alot to do with politics, and I'm not interested in the game of Rugby?? lol lol... but Roy made me watch it saying it's nice and so on.. good critics... so at last I just went with him. He asked me in the end, "so, is it nice? I didn't lie rite?" and I answered, "Yea, it's damn good.". I felt it's really inspiring and has a deep moral storyline in it, applicable for all of us living our lives these days. =)

For those planning to watch... you'll enjoy it.

K back to bed now till 6.15am ahhaa... gnite buddies ;)

It's officially over

I've tried my best... but couldn't save it from ruins...

http://bbhershey.wordpress.com/

just so disappointed with the whole thing.

She didn't give us a chance.

The things she said to me:
- you are a good guy, we have many things in common, but we aren't compatible
- there is alot to teach u bout relationships, and I can't go through that anymore
- some things you say and did unconsciously, coz it's u, I don't wanna change who you are.
- you are not the man I want, I want someone that's sociable, have many friends etc
- you are selfish at times, like when I wanted to go elsewhere, you've decided it... i've just followed and kept quiet to make u happy (she didn't mention them to me at that very moment, she said she gave me hints, so ok I did not take those "hints" seriously enough)
- you're self conscious, u always care how ppl look at you (sometimes I'm shy at places so I prefer to be some place else, is that wrong??)
- you always talk bout money and material stuffs, about ur achievements (I'm planning financially and not bout money!! I dont care bout them!! even if u have a million bucks doesnt mean I'll love u for it!! I spoke of my achievements and what I went thru becoz u are a fresh grad, I'm trying to help you by sharing my experiences and that u'll learn from it!!)
- I couldn't breathe when I'm with u... sometimes I wanted to talk but I end up letting u say it all... (my bad, then I told her I'm changing give me time, the next phone calls after that I did let her talk all she want first before I say something!!)

I'm speechless... guys and gals, tell me... is this all my fault?? She said it as if it's just me....

Things I have to say bout her:
- you always think you're right...
- you're stubborn at times, just refuse to listen!!
- you gave up so easily on us, when at first you say everything was well.
- we just know each other 1 week or more... give us time to know each other deeper!
- you just ignored me at times after that incident, u couldnt stand strong and face a new beginning... u still went back into that box of yours, refusing to break free and live free. Free of your thoughts, your nightmares, your worries.
- you say alot guys keep bugging you, friends advice u to break off and such... but do you know their real intentions? that they might be jealous of it and want it for themselves? that they might just want to advice to make u happy? cant u make ur own decisions on some things? You say friends and families helped u alot but will they be there forever till you're old??
- you said I didn't give u more space... too rush... fine we are taking things slow now and suddenly u wrote hurtly stuffs again and post it once more... just ending it abruptly again. What is wrong with you??

Done.. my rant is over... need this burden off my chest and hope you all get a clearer picture of what have happened. =.=

-End of a sad story of one that gave up too fast-

A poem to share:

When things go wrong
and sometimes they will
when the road you are struggling in
Is a twisted hill

When you need help
and the debts are high,
you want to smile
But you have to sigh

When care is pressing
you down a bit
rest if you must
But never quit

Life is hard
during its twists and turns
as everyone of us
Sometimes learns

And many a failure
will turn about
when we might have won
Had we stuck it out

Never give up
though the pace seems slow
you just may succeed
With another blow

You never can tell
how close you are
it may be near
and still seem so far

Stick to the fight
when at your hardest hit
its when things seem worse
That you must never quit

http://www.poems.md/inspirational-poems/never-quit-1726.html

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Fall for you - Secondhand Serenade

For that someone special... =)

I know we've been through a lot these few days and I'm also sorry for some of the things I've said... hope we can let past be past and start a new beginning...

This song explains it all...