How I am Feeling

Everyday I woke up from bed,
Knowing,
I would need to head to work,
Else,
I would know,
It's my off day.
What's next,
Off to the gym?
Where I tire myself to the brim?
Or on that lame PC and start doing nonsense on it?
Oh how did the PC came to being and ruined everyone's lives?

Or,
Going out, spending time with friends?
Friends that  would give you a good time,
And at times give you heartaches as well?
Some have even faded away,
After marriage, working life, or after graduation,
They have became less,
Rare as precious metals,
As some has proven itself to be of cheap steel,
They rusted, and wasted away.
I feel sad as those are the very close friends that I once used to have.

Work,
It becomes repetitive after a while.
Tainted with politics, backstabbing, and all sorts of others,
Which every job out there will surely have.
Which work is something that you would put your everything in like a hobby or leisure?
None, coz it just ain't.
It slowly catches up with you and throws you into a spinning turbine...
And as it catches up speed,
You'll feel dizzy,
Out of breath at times,
Tired, exhausted, sick of it.
Till the machine runs a full cycle and stops.
And guess what? It's been 8 hours of work and it's time to head home!
Ahh that moment...
And before you know it...
You're stuck at the traffic...
The jam so massive you'd cry "why oh why ain't I'm working on some other off peak hour?"
And if you do you would cry otherwise as you will lack a life.

Movies,
Some have been great,
These days most suck.
They suck so bad you'd wanna scream at the movie,
Asking why did it made you spent 2 freaking hours of your life and 13 bucks,
For some piece of shit.
Like working life did not suck you dry of your hours,
And you would need another to take the time away?


People,
People in this country,
The young,
I've seen it all...
Some spoilt, some stubborn, some selfish,
Some full of hatred, some being saddists,
Some being ignorant fools, some being odd so bad till they hurt themselves,
Some being jobless coz of their horrible attitude,
Some driving a big car coz their parents are rich.
All the nonsense.
Why did parents allow such a thing to happen???
Why did it came to my generation and those after??
Why do I have to bear through it all,
Seeing them like this?
And it's sad to know it's affecting our country really bad.
Is it the education system? Shall we blame the goverment?
Seriously I got tired of blaming that.
I just... wish I could dissapear from this forsaken country,
To somewhere that I would really feel I belong to.

That is how I felt, so deep inside...
The hurt...
The hurt especially that came from her,
Of what she said I am,
Still hurts till this very day.
I blame myself for seeing her go that day.
I could not help it.
I ain't suicidal, just a deep scar,
Which has been enwritten in my heart.
Tho I know I have changed to become a better man,
All becoz of her...
Yet that scar will take a long time to heal...

Family,
I'm not even sure if I should even write this,
but I guess a little doesn't hurt.
I just wish,
They would be close...
Why leave mum alone....
Why let me take all the care,
Shoulder to me all the responsibilites.
She's old dammit,
Can't you all spend more time with someone,
Who have pour out so much helping you grow?
What's wrong this these people?
I have tried my best to be a good son.
Really, I've tried,
And still trying,
Sometimes I don't know how much I should do before it's enough.
It's tiring.
I wish I had a brother,
or 2, to help take care of mother,
But it's just not a choice for us to decide.
And my 3rd sister,
Why can't a miracle just cure her??
Why can't she help herself?
Why is it the same every year?

I wish it ain't that complicated,
but it's been like that,
(since Dad was around it has been like that)
yet I know there are others out there much worse than me,
I shall pour all this out this day and pray,
That you God will help me and strengthen me,
Guide me and be my rock.
Help me through these times when I'm feeling so much pain,
So much torment,
Suffering,
Tears that I hold back.
I rarely tell people this much,
But I need to...
To keep myself sane this time.

Thank you for those who cared,
For those whom helped me in times where I was down.
I truly appreciate them.
Without you I would have been torn down,
Torn to pieces by my own emotions,
Been swept away beyond recognition.
You gave me hope to continue,
To continue this journey of life...

Amongst it all,
God is the the solid rock,
that has always been there,
He has been there for me through thick and thin.
Words alone could not describe my relationship with him.
What I went through since young,
You had no idea how much He has helped me.

I pray,
I pray that all this negativity will fade away,
That better days will come,
That I will finally find the meaning,
To it all some day,
To understand why am I on this earth,
What does it really mean to live,
And what I could be some day...

These are the words of how I'm feeling,
The words that I pour out now.

Bersih 2.0 - 9th July 2011

A lot of stuffs came out in my mind as the date for the said title passed.

It made me a lot prouder to be a Malaysian than ever before.

Seeing that unity being spark by those people that was being oppressed by the police at the streets during the demonstration, gave me the hope that truly we Malaysians still care for each other regardless of race, political belief, religion etc.

When you walk pass the streets seeing another person, regardless they are Chinese, Indians or Malay.. suddenly you felt all the racial sentiments were all being melted away. Coz we finally saw what the current government is capable of, what they showed us on 9th July 2011. How cruel and oppressive they could be. Most of our minds now are united against such a thing. We wanna change, change all these nonsense that is being manipulate d by them in order to secure votes. One of the biggest thing that they always play out well is racial sentiment. And it is clear we are all gonna stand up to that. Not only that, but more people will definitely stand up against their corruption, their abuse of power, their control of the media, oppression of every other voice that is against them (includ. the opposition), lies, and much more. Enough of the 50 years rule. We really had enough this time. It's time to say "Stop, you've governed long enough. It's time for someone else to take over and showed us what you REALLY did to this country. It's time to give the likes of PKR a chance to administer this country. It's time for democracy to really prove itself and make a major change to the current system."

It is a big day for the democracy and Rakyat of Malaysia. We all learnt something that day. We learnt what we Malaysians are truly capable of. We saw with our own two eyes all over the internet what BN is capable of doing and hiding.

It won't be long before this ruling coalition is finally toppled. All of us shall cheer for the victory of freedom and justice at that time.

God bless Malaysia.

Back after all that..

After all that that have happened recently. Through that recovery, that reflection, I am finally ready to blog again.

It wasn't easy going through to the point of where I am now. Yet, I miss blogging and would love to note down what matters most in my life. I miss the part that it helped me improved my writing, to help me refocus and to understand my thoughts/feelings inside of me, and how it inspires other who read them.

It is time for a reopening of the blog. Not gonna make it grand, just something simple for me to write on. Using Blogger's template and hmm.. it isn't that bad. Looks simple and nice.

Will update when I feel like it. I thank you for taking your time to read. Feel free to jot down any comments that you wish to and I shall reply. Flames and any signs of disrespect shall not be tolerated. Learn to be an adult to express your views even if you're not happy bout something.

I felt I have changed much once more.. and it shall be proven in the coming blog posts.

Cya soon bloggie... =)