stupidity...

Have you ever felt that you are being used? 

Feeling the need that you needed to help someone? Being a friend? Yet end up being accused of things you never intended, being accused of harassing, of all the accusations out of that person you are helping?

Today I went through that scenario, one that I did not expect coming out from a friendship that lasted a year. I helped her, treated her, paid things for her, and end up? I was accused of taking advantage, forcing her to be my girlfriend? WTF, what did I do wrong? My good intentions were rotated 360 degree and pointed like a gun back at me...

I do not want to mention who she is, as she think she is that great for me to put her name all over my blog. Well tell you what gal, you are not that great, and please, knock off that pride of your shoulders, just because you were accepted as an air hostess in a world class airline... or shall I say... "malaysian class". 

At your previous job you were different, you appreciated our friendship, we were friends. I didn't ask for more, although I admitted I liked you. Yet you turn around now, just because you got accepted into a new job training, and think you are "already there". Can't you be more humble? Look at the mirror? And see how many people out there that are more successful than you but do not boast, but appreciate the people in their lives, knowing how to differentiate their careers and separate it from friends?

You spoke like you knew a lot, just because of that few days of class. Have you passed the 3 months test? Are you already flying and proven that you are able to handle the job? Even for a year? Have you ever thought that you might fail? Dislike the job in the end?

You said I had bad intentions, you said I talked as if I wanted to win, as if I started the argument. You think you have all the say? Who are you? Have you any respect for me? Have you considered what I've got to say? Have you grasped hold of my viewpoints, my feelings, my thoughts? You think all I said was wrong? Was uttered from a primary school kid?

I felt stupid, stupid enough to trust you, to wanting to bring you up further, make you better. But instead this is all I get in repayment from our friendship. You hurt me, threw me down, and splattered all that nonsense at my face. I will not take it lightly, and I will mean it this time shall be the last time we meet. It shall be the end of our friendship. If we were to meet on the road one day, I shall not say hi, and we shall be strangers on separate ways. You wanted it that way, as if you demanded it, now you got it, I guess you are happy. Well tell you what, I'm happy that I knew who you really are inside now, and I'm happy I got over it. 

Look at yourself, look deep and analyze what have you become. 

I am speechless, during the time in the car I do not want to say a word anymore... Tired, fed up, and felt like a fool...

You think you are all that pretty, thinking : "oh I have got my dream job being train for the best"... 

Please, it is just the beginning. Looks and knowledge doesn't mean all, it is character, and attitude, and how you handle people that makes you go up. 

So what if you are a PHD, and your whole office hates you. Think. 

The end of me being stupid, no more shall I go through this shit with another girl... for guys out there, beware of being used. Learn to put a full stop once you knew you are in that shit hole.

Don't be like me, it's a waste. Save that money and time for your children in future and for better things to do.

Peace out. 

fell and hit the right side of my head

Today was a tragedy, I accidently fell and hit the right side of my head. Of all places, the bathroom. (due to the fact that I forgot to brush the floor every now and then, causing leftovers of soap thus making it slippery)

At first all was OK, I thought. I did not passed out, just pain. Drove to work as usual. Did my job as usual...

Till I felt a throbbing pain now and then again during work. A pain so irritating and deep on the right side of my head till it pisses me off. I couldn't concentrate on work, till I went googled brain injury all over the place:

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/head_injury/article_em.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Head_injury

The terms scared me, as for the first time in my life after banging my head the pain lasted almost 6 hours. It was almost 12pm noon that time, and the time the incident happened was at 6am.

I told my colleagues, whom they told me to consult the doctor at the company's clinic. So ok, I thought, better check than to be sorry later.

I went down stairs, met the nurse (quite pretty actually haha), she diagnosed me: asked me to rest for 10 minutes before taking blood pressure, checked my eyes movement with a torchlight, gave me a pill before asking me to rest... (she did questioned me too why I didn't went straight to a doc for checkup? Reason: I thought it was a normal bang on the head)

Wow scary, how come so complicated?? And the worst part is after all that, she said that the only way to really confirm the diagnose is to do a scan at the clinic or hospital. (as the doc was not in the company clinic that time)

So I went, with my supervisor (thanks Lim and Allyssa) and we went to this stupid Mendivironclinic at PJ (sorry not all Mendiviron clinic are stupid just this particular one) which delayed our time by half an hour just for a referral to Assunta Hospital. The doc was pretty crap there too without really checking and saying my head did not swell too (the previous nurse said it swelled).

Checked with ING, didn't have coverage... insured plan was v low only for general clinic usage and hospitilisation, checking no.... My superior was pissed, I wasn't as I thought fine just use my personal medical card then (Great Eastern).

Went with Calvin to Assunta Hospital (the person who helped me purchase my GE insurance earlier) and did a checkup (thanks pal appreciate it) with the GP (general practitioner). He mentioned that I have to do a CAT scan before he can confirm anything (owh so how die die also have to scan... head injuries are so complicated x.x )

Once scanned, the tough part was the fact that I needed to wait another 2 hours for the results to be known. I asked Calvin to drove me back to office first, just show me the way and I will come back to collect it myself. I promised that I will inform him and the rest when I get the results.

So I managed to come back although with some slight dizziness (since 10am) and parked my car. Saw the doc and got the scan, he said everything was all right, no internal injuries, no blood clot, no fracture etc. He gave me a few pills and painkillers to take for later.

I was RELIEF... as I really thought it was gonna be serious till I need to be warded, go through surgery and stuff. Even thought of death in all that...

So touch wood, I'm ok now. What a day right? Went through all that shit. I reach home at 6 + pm, after bath and all that I took a nap, and almost couldn't wake up till 9pm. (I think the injury cause that) After which I went for dinner and now I'm back updating the whole incident.

A lot of my colleagues SMS me and asked how am I, how was the scan?...Replied all of them that I'm ok and that I'm still alive =D I've posted the title in Facebook as well and got loads of reply back. Thanks for all you guys and gals' concern, you've touched me =)

Below is the CAT scan image:

Another weird thing to blog about. But definitely a "must-blog".

I thank God it's not my time yet, as I still have so many things to do and see in life. During the time I thought of death today, I saw how my life sped by, how many things I could have done better, utilized my time better, treating others better, and how much is there in the world to do, to see...

It sort of changed me, to actually think you are that close to the fact of dying, and yet survived to live another day. How will you live your life from then on?

I guess everything happens for a reason, and this taught me quite much... =)

killing a cat...

I've killed a cat accidentally yesterday.

I was on my usual way home after having dinner nearby, which out of nowhere the cat came running from the right side. As I stepped on my break (well maybe not hard enough), it stared at me with a stunned face, and next thing I knew, I ran over it.....

It shriek, with a high pitched cat scream, as I heard thumps under my car while it sped across it... 

I was stunned, as this was my first time hitting a cat. 

I murdered another living being, of all things: A cute, furry, domestic animal. If it was a mouse, or a fly, or an ant, I wouldn't mind killing it as they are a pest if they do come in contact with me and bothering me.

But this was a cat... 

And, it was cute. 

How would you feel if you hit and killed a cute cat? 

A similiar pic (a white cat with black spots, actually mine was a half kitten >.<) :

I just took a life away, and I hope God will have a place for it in heaven.

Hope this sort of bizarre incident won't happen again.. o.O

Imagine if that was a human life by accident... >.<"""""

sorethroat

sorethroat till you lost your voice... 

remember how that feels? when suddenly you turned to a squeaky 80 year old. 

Got it today, had to apologize to my customers for losing my voice. All because I didn't want to take the MC... if I did I would have rest and recovered fully the next day.

"hold on david, it's tough times now and u know it."

And I wrote a prayer:

"Dear God, may you give me the strenght to continue on my journey. As it is still long, with many unpredictables on the way. Show me your light so that I won't be blinded, that I'll be able to make it home safely with you one day...

Give me the grace to live a soldier in Christ, as when troubles and testing comes, that I may learn to face them with courage, truth and preserverance. Bless those around me, my friends, my collegues, my family. That I'll learnt to love them like how you taught us to love.

Grant that I may not give up, but to continue living with hope, knowing that you are there beside me each day, and that I have nothing to fear. Even in the darkest hours, you will be with me, holding me, encouraging me. As you understand my every suffering on earth, in this world... 

And yes I am a sinner, and I pray you will make me a better person as each day pass. As I grow older and weaker, I lean on to you, my rock. Without you, I would be a different person as I am today.... your percepts and words taught me about life, made me realize how much men have failed you, yet you continued to love them and did not gave up on them. To give yourself on the cross, so that we may have life. 

I thank you all for your blessings, your help, and your kindness. Without you I would be much poorer in spirit and soul. Without you many of my sufferings would be many folds worse. Without you I would have wander, lost and alone.

Thank you God.

Amen."

weekends

Saturday and Sunday was great.

Saturday - had a full sleep and woke up at 11.30am. Fren came at 3.30pm and we played PS2 till dinner time. Went Auntie Juliete (Kota Kemuning) to eat dinner. Had sphegetti while fren had Chicken Mariland. Next, came back and PS2 till 6am before slept... haha.

Games we played:

1. Armored Core 4 (he couldn't get his hands off the VS mode, had to entertain him fight one on one... which earlier I pawned him easily. Near 4am he did the opposite after I helped him made a "hebat" punya mecha.

2. Marvel Ultimate Alliance (First time a fren play and said that it was boring... zzzz)

3. Star Wars Force Unleashed (went nuts with the force but later stopped as it was one player)

Sunday - stopped by at Eve's house to help her out with her powerpoint. Ended up she didn't need my help as it was too complicated. So she scrapped the whole idea and went for something else to surprise her colleagues.

Had dinner with her at Chilis. Too much food! haha... should have ordered less. The bill was staggering, as usual for Chilis. 

Now back home, doing my laundry and preparing to sleep early. It was a VERY busy weekend and tiring too... 

Nites!! :)